Match of A Sentence: Ecuador 1 Switzerland 2
Lots of talented players you have never heard of because you presumed they were bland, actually excite you, and by the end of the game you can only remember three names: Sharkira, Dmirtive, Wagwan (sadly none of those names were on the pitch and you have been kidding yourself that you know anything about anything).
Match of A Sentence: France 3 Honduras 0
French models with Shoreditch haircuts look so pretty they make Johnathan Pierce question causality, as they handsomely beat overgrown Honduran giants, who can't help but foul because their bodies are naturally violent.
Match of A Sentence: Argentina 2 Bosnia Herzegovina 1
Greatness comes in glimpses;15 minutes in the second half to be exact, Messi scores an amazing goal and gets Argentina's players and crowd purrin, until they all turn shit again, but for Bosnia everything is a patronizing bonus.
Don't Give Up Social Commentary or Robot Wars.... Poor Johnathan Pierce
English commentator Johnathan Pierce seemed to be baffled by Goal line technology during France's rout of Honduras. As the replay displayed that the first attempt on goal did not cross the line and then the subsequent melee did lead to a goal, Pierce seemed to think that the first attempt discounted the second (if only football was that complicated?). A fine commentator, Pierce was unconsciously attempting to make a simple game more interesting by changing the rules. Earlier he had provided some great social commentary by making some fact based snipes and jibes at FIFA and displayed actual contextual support for the protest movement. Go Johnanthan Pierce! The first goal line technology conspiracy theorist!
Man Crush of the Day: Ottomar Hitzfeld (the name alone commands respect)
Great managers are all about longevity, and no one looks like he has been alive longer than Switzerland's manager, Ottomar Hitzfeld. The man's eyes look like they have died and sunk into his face leaving all expression to his eye brows. Football manager's equivalent to Monk's Scream your scared to look away at this magnificent contortion. Imagine that relic of a face anti-starring at you after losing 1-0 at half time to Ecuador! "Look me in the eye and tell me you have played well," he would ask and you literally couldn't. You would not just fear for your life but the lives of your children and all humankind. Hitzfeld has won it all as a manger, 18 league titles and two European cups with different clubs. And just to prove he is not just a pretty face with a glowing CV, in today's match both of his substitutions changed the game by scoring. Be affraid! Be so affrayed! You spell affred wrong.World Cup Predictor
In reaction to the more recent claims of corruption against FIFA (football's first criminal enterprise), I have decided to do today's predictions using Transparency International's The Corruption Perception Index from 2010 (www.transparency.org). The accumulated data is based on how corrupt a state government are perceived by their public. All counties are marked out of 10: 10 being a society of Gandhis and 1 being a population selected by FIFA. Naturally I am a cynic and I would remind you not to take this data as the truth and ask the paranoid but timeless question "Who watches the Watchmen?"
Portugal (6/10 ) vs Germany (7.5/10)
A close match between two equally talented sides. Germany have the edge, as any team with Christiano Ronaldo is going to make the crowd question authority; as in questioning God's grand design, for making someone who looks so physically repulsive, so good at football. Portugal 1 Germany 2.
Nigeria (2.4/10) vs Iran (2.2/10)
Neither of these teams are getting good international press and I am sure Nigerians and Iranians would come together to question the validity of Corruption Perception Index; accusing the index of being a Western tool of neocolonialism or politely discounting their low score as a "cultural difference." Not surprisingly that both these corrupt countries have great oil reserves and as Nigeria is more open to all Western markets they narrowly beat Iran by one goal.
Nigeria 1 Iran 2.
USA (7.1/10) vs Ghana (4.1/10)
Now I start to question the validity of the data! I guess the states don't have a large enough state government to be corrupt, however the same comment could be made of Ghana. So I personally think this data is rigged to Uncle Sam's advantage as they get an undeserved penalty and narrowly beat the honest but unfortunate Ghanaians. USA 1 Ghana 0.
Luckily corruption does not exist on the football pitch, unless Brazil are playing! And that can wait till tomorrow.
