Match of A Sentence: Netherlands 3 Australia 2
Australians realize the Dutch have a Swansea and Villa player in their team and fearlessly fight back to a get a 2 1 lead, spearheaded by Tim Cahill's wonder volley, only for the two robins to save the Dutch with irritatingly efficient style and ungracious smiles.
Match of A Sentence: Chile 2 Spain 0
A herd of Chilean zombie fans invade the media center in Rio, showing support for their incredibly, quick, talented midget team, who destroys the World Champions in the first half, only for the Spanish dwarfs to put themselves to sleep in the second, as they attempt to pass there way out of the competition.
Match of A Sentence: Cameroon 0 Croatia 4
Cameroon redefine self-destruct in football terms: its not poor defending, dodgy keeping and giving the ball away (though they did all that!), its offering to give the opposition an elbow massage while running, headbutting your fellow teammate and thinking that win bonuses are important when your country does not have enough money to run electricity or insure water sanitary, oh and Croatia scored some nice goals.
Don't Give Up the GhostBusters Job.....Andres Iniesta
Arguably the greatest midfielder of the last decade bowed out of the World Cup with typical grace on the field and understated silence (if that's possible) off the pitch. Andres Iniesta has never looked like a footballer! His appearance is so normal and unassuming it's scarily familiar, until you realize you grew up with him as the spooky Dr Jonosz Poha from Ghostbusters Two. Before Andrea Iniesta dyed his hair, lied about his age and moved to Barcelona he was once an effeminate, camp, art historian, who was indoctrinated by the evil spirit of Vigo Capathian until he was released from evil spirit through sarcasm of Bill Murray. Maybe its not tiki taka that scared football teams across the globe but a shared suppressed memory in all footballers that Andre Iniesta had frightened them as children. Whatever the future for Spain, Andre Iniesta will always have Ghostbusters Two (and a Champions League medal, and the European Championship, and a World Cup).Man Crush of the Day: Tim Cahill
It is hard to love Tim Cahill! He punches corner flags and snarls at them in the process. Like many crushes my attraction comes from fear and hate. An animosity that has been built up over the years through watching him score against Arsenal. A bully with finesse, as a Gooner (a term for an Arsenal fan to uninitiated) you have to be envious; as Arsenal players don't Cahill it (score through sheer will and physicality). When a player has been such a poacher and a bruiser all their career often their technique can be ignored. This is pure snobbery (mainly by Arsenal fans). Tim Cahill's beautiful bullet volley to equalise against Holland was not him rolling back the years but him crowning a glorious career. I only hope all the corner flags in the world can forgive him for being such a prick.
World Cup Predictor
"What gives a country an advantage at football?" Is a question that philosophers have pondered for many a lifetime. In the most simple and idiotic terms its the country that can fit as many football pitches on the land provided and going by that logic (that we need no space for hospitals, schools or people) today's world cup predictor is country's with the largest land mass.
Columbia(Ranked 26: 1,038,700 km ) VS Ivory Coast (Ranked 70: 318,003 km)
Jesus! Columbia is big. And Christ! Ivorians have the smallest coast. No contest here.
Columbia 4 Ivory Coast 2
England (Not Ranked: 13, 395 km) VS Uruguay (Ranked 91: 175,015 km)
Sadly Wikipedia ranks England as part of the United Kingdom covering 241, 930 km which ranks us at 80. Being English let's just pretend the entire of Scotland, Wales and Ireland are ours, like we did to all the other countries when we had an Empire.
England 3 Uruguay 2
Never new Japan was so huge, Godzilla stomps on Greece's small gods.
Japan 3 Greece 0
So the Day of Reckoning (part 1 to an unknowable saga) starts today.... It seems pointless to say anymore (not that usually stops me).
