Match of A Sentence: Columbia 2 Ivory Coast 1
James Rodriguez shines under pressure by scoring a header (the opposite of Rooney) and Gervinho proves if he can stay on his feet, he can actually score (if only we had), not that the Colombians care as they are too busy rehearsing synchronized goal celebrations (England fans look on in envy).
Match of A Sentence: England 1 Uruguay 2
Godin should have been sent off for a second yellow earlier in the game; that's my scapegoat and I am sticking to it.
Match of A Sentence: Japan 0 Greece 0
This game did not have a Gerrard hole in front of the defense, playing awful long balls to no one, or poor man marking by Phil Jagelika and Glen Johnson; it did not even have an appalling referee, it lacked a dodgy English keeper, like most games it would have benefited from a more pragmatic midfield play maker rather than three pacey forwards, and it totally did not have a pantomime villain ,who had spent the last two weeks in a wheelchair, just to fool England that he is not the best striker in the world. (Sorry but Japan vs Greece was shit!).
Don't Give Up being The Prince of Darkness.... Luis Suarez
Luis please give up football! You have already bitten off more than you can chew! First your unfortunate face screams vampire with the fangs removed at birth. The sucking the blood of a young nubile virgin is clearly your natural calling rather than breaking English hearts. Secondly, four years ago when you denied Ghana a goal and their place in World Cup semi final, through the "Hand of Satan," you only upset one country and maybe an entire continent, when you should have been planning world domination as Dracula's natural heir. Thirdly your broken English is just unintentionally rude and occasionally racist but never actually insulting, you often blink during the difficult words with adorable poor pronunciation. If you only spoke in your native and creepy Aramaic you would fulfill your menacing potential for evil. Luis Suarez you are a great footballer but that should not stop you turning into a bat and fucking off to Real Madrid.
Man Crush of the Day...... Roy Hodgson
Something for the older generation! I don't know how Roy has done it but no one is blaming him for the results. Rooney, Gerrard, the entire defense, have all received criticism this campaign and yet Roy seems bullet proof. Maybe its simply due to him being a lovely man. You would never want to be cuddled by Harry Redknapp, San Allardyce, Tony Pulis, or any potential English manager, in comparison to Roy, who has a granddad air of comfort. As well as being physically adorable in a novelty toy statue sense, he appears to be a sensitive and listening type. All the journalists in the build up to the World Cup were worried that Roy was going to be too conservative (the older generation generally are) but he proved he was down with the kids by selecting them and making them play the type of attacking football you see in a school playground. Sadly England were not in a school playground and all of sudden I feel I have woken up in bed with a man half my age who offered me sweets. Roy has proven an old dog can learn new tricks but did that help England?
World Cup Predictor
As everything in this post is based around England's loss, lets predict these results based on how many times today's teams have beaten England at football. All data was taken from www.11v11.com.
Italy (beaten England 11 times) VS Costa Ricca (never played England)
Lack of competition with Costa Ricca means they are unknown pleasure or pain. Italy are a assured pain, beating us 11 times in comparison to our 8 wins.
Italy 3 Costa Ricca 0.
France (beaten England 8 times) VS Switzerland (have beaten England 3 times)
England have the edge over both teams, beating them both 16 times. Hurrah.
France 3 Switzerland 0
Ecuador (have beaten England 0 times) VS Honduras (have beaten England 0 times)
We have beaten Ecuador twice and drawn once, and drew with Hondurans in that recent leg breaking contest in Miami
Ecuador 0 Honduras 0
Who would of thought a world cup predictor based on how many times the sides have beaten England would have made you feel so good on such a shitty day.... Come On Italy,give us that touch of class that is foreign to English football.
Pirlo is such a heat breaker.
