Simultaneous football matches are for Radio not TV! The plan was to set up another television! Then my husband reminded me you can watch the other match on your phone, lap top, tablet, cloud! But we had both forgotten I am techno-tard (not phobic just retarded), and don't have the patience to work an alarm clock,let alone an ITV website that claims that I have insufficient bandwidth. When did the internet become such a bitch? Luckily we do have a thing called football highlights, so like all the great granddads I waited and watched Spain Australia and Brazil Cameroon after the fact...
The South American Mighty Midget's get manhandled on the pitch and tactically out thought off it, as Robin proves he can be irritatingly good whatever the team, regardless if they have Norwich, Swansea or Villa players.
Match of A Sentence: Spain 3 Australia 0
A team of Spanish ghosts scare some young Australians with a ancient form of football called "Tiki-taka," as the third goal goes in the Ozzies think they might have watched the future of football until they see David Villa crying.
Match of A Sentence: Brazil 4 Cameroon 1
Goals look good, Neymar is growing into his haircut, and then the linesman gives Fred a goal out of charity, making you doubt your eyes: maybe this entire World Cup is a prerecorded Brazilian victory.Can I get a Charleston Heston NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?
Match of A Sentence: Mexico 3 Croatia 1
Mexican manger Miguel Herrerra (a foreign descendant of Toad of Toad Hall from Wind and the Willows) tactically beats Nico Kovac (played by Joseph Gordan Levitt), setting up a strong defensive formation and a great counter attack, but he will be more remembered for this....
Don't Give Up Being An Anime Goalkeeper... Guillermo Ochoa
I have given a lot of love to Mexico this year, Miguel Herrerra and Rafael Marquez have both featured as man crushes, but the player to have received most of the media plaudits has been Guillermo Ochoa. The goalkeeping display against Brazil had the world media in raptures, though I think Tim Howard against Portugal and Sergio Romero against Iran produced better saves. A quality Ochoa has over these two bruisers is he has a very youthful and asexual appearance. A face with a pictorially symmetrical quality, that is too pretty to be described as cartoon and more like a Japanese animation. Ochoa has really good brand potential with easily identifiable visual signifies, crazy hair, headband, pretty face; you could see his image decorating kid's cereal boxes around the globe and is that not what all footballers dream of.
I have given a lot of love to Mexico this year, Miguel Herrerra and Rafael Marquez have both featured as man crushes, but the player to have received most of the media plaudits has been Guillermo Ochoa. The goalkeeping display against Brazil had the world media in raptures, though I think Tim Howard against Portugal and Sergio Romero against Iran produced better saves. A quality Ochoa has over these two bruisers is he has a very youthful and asexual appearance. A face with a pictorially symmetrical quality, that is too pretty to be described as cartoon and more like a Japanese animation. Ochoa has really good brand potential with easily identifiable visual signifies, crazy hair, headband, pretty face; you could see his image decorating kid's cereal boxes around the globe and is that not what all footballers dream of.
Man Crush of The Day: Nigel Dejong
You may have picked up I am not the biggest fan of the Dutch at this tournament!No doubt Arjen Robben has been the best player so far but besides appreciating his speed, calmness under pressure, and that god awful smile when he scores, I have no real love for him. The Dutch play like a well organised, mid level, Premier League side with two world class attackers to hit all the slower teams on the break. Maybe the Dutch manger Louis Van Gaal has been Man Ued (a term for when a person becomes associated with Manchester United and therefore becomes unlikable) with his new job looming at Old Trafford. Except for the two Robins the Netherlands looked ordinary however Nigel Dejong could prove me wrong. So far the player known as "the pitbull" to his friends has been outstanding in all three games. Dominating the talented Chilean and Spanish midfield by doing the dirty defensive work. Nigel also has the redemptive story arc, that after disgracing himself in the last World Cup final, for kicking a Spanish player across the chest (the defining image from that game see below), he now has a chance to reach another final. No doubt if Nigel reaches the World Cup final do expect some broadsheet revisionism of his attributes as a player, but don't believe them, he is great and that's because deep down he is dirty and that's how I like it.
World Cup Predictor
In tribute to my techno retardation I have based today's world cup predictor on the countries that watch the most media from an article in The Atlantic ( go to www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/05/ for some awesome charts).The chart below displays all the different devices we watch news, soaps and chat shows. Personally find it fascinating that Thailand and Indonesia watch more media on their phone than on any other device, no wonder they can't concentrate out on the football pitch. Let's reward the goggle boxers...
England (411 minutes, minus Scotland, Wales, Ireland) VS Cost Rica (not ranked)
No contest! If the World Cup was HBO box set England would of watched it faster than the series running time.
England 3 Costa Rica 0
Italy (317 minutes) VS Uruguay (not ranked)
Hate to think what awful things Italians watch! But unlike the Uruguayans they need to be distracted away from their political government.
Italy 3 Uruguay 0
Ivory Coast (not ranked) VS Greece (not ranked)
I don't want to arrogantly presume that Ivorians watch less than the Greeks, as their far richer West African neighbors, Nigeria, watch 193 minutes on their smart phone.
Ivory Coast 1 Greece 1
Columbia (437 minutes) VS Japan (343 minutes)
Pretty shocked Columbia are such big TV watchers, I presumed they would be too busy being brilliant at football but they edge it over Japanese.
Columbia 2 Japan 1
However you watch the World Cup! Enjoy it! And watch Italy Uruguay which promises to be a corker. I think on the other channel is showing the group winners against some small country who have nothing to play for and are just happy to make up the numbers.
You may have picked up I am not the biggest fan of the Dutch at this tournament!No doubt Arjen Robben has been the best player so far but besides appreciating his speed, calmness under pressure, and that god awful smile when he scores, I have no real love for him. The Dutch play like a well organised, mid level, Premier League side with two world class attackers to hit all the slower teams on the break. Maybe the Dutch manger Louis Van Gaal has been Man Ued (a term for when a person becomes associated with Manchester United and therefore becomes unlikable) with his new job looming at Old Trafford. Except for the two Robins the Netherlands looked ordinary however Nigel Dejong could prove me wrong. So far the player known as "the pitbull" to his friends has been outstanding in all three games. Dominating the talented Chilean and Spanish midfield by doing the dirty defensive work. Nigel also has the redemptive story arc, that after disgracing himself in the last World Cup final, for kicking a Spanish player across the chest (the defining image from that game see below), he now has a chance to reach another final. No doubt if Nigel reaches the World Cup final do expect some broadsheet revisionism of his attributes as a player, but don't believe them, he is great and that's because deep down he is dirty and that's how I like it.
World Cup Predictor
In tribute to my techno retardation I have based today's world cup predictor on the countries that watch the most media from an article in The Atlantic ( go to www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/05/ for some awesome charts).The chart below displays all the different devices we watch news, soaps and chat shows. Personally find it fascinating that Thailand and Indonesia watch more media on their phone than on any other device, no wonder they can't concentrate out on the football pitch. Let's reward the goggle boxers...
England (411 minutes, minus Scotland, Wales, Ireland) VS Cost Rica (not ranked)
No contest! If the World Cup was HBO box set England would of watched it faster than the series running time.
England 3 Costa Rica 0
Italy (317 minutes) VS Uruguay (not ranked)
Hate to think what awful things Italians watch! But unlike the Uruguayans they need to be distracted away from their political government.
Italy 3 Uruguay 0
Ivory Coast (not ranked) VS Greece (not ranked)
I don't want to arrogantly presume that Ivorians watch less than the Greeks, as their far richer West African neighbors, Nigeria, watch 193 minutes on their smart phone.
Ivory Coast 1 Greece 1
Columbia (437 minutes) VS Japan (343 minutes)
Pretty shocked Columbia are such big TV watchers, I presumed they would be too busy being brilliant at football but they edge it over Japanese.
Columbia 2 Japan 1
However you watch the World Cup! Enjoy it! And watch Italy Uruguay which promises to be a corker. I think on the other channel is showing the group winners against some small country who have nothing to play for and are just happy to make up the numbers.
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