World Cup Spins Into The Last Sixteen

So the last sixteen looms and we have had some shock exits: England, Italy, Spain, Bosnia Herzegovina, Croatia, Ivory Coast or Japan would all of been fancied to progress.The group stages have been an awesome spectacle but you have to enough hope that good teams do reach the knock out stages because Costa Rica VS Greece does not wet the appetite. Everyone loves an upset but you still want great football....

Match of A Sentence: Nigeria 2 Argentina 3
Goal love-in, a man with a small child's face shocks himself twice by scoring two great goals only for Messi to seduce the keeper first by smashing in a rebound off the keeper's head and then, with a free kick, leaving the keeper dreaming of a third; someone did score at the end but no one cared because technically everyone had won.

Match of A Sentence: Bosnia Herzegovina 2 Iran 0
I would love to praise the brilliance of Pranjic, the dominance of Dzeko, and the entire Bosinia Herzegovina team's willingness to attack but they went out of the competition four days ago.

Match of A Sentence: Switzerland 3 Iran 0
Colombian popstar Shakira scores a hat trick for Switzerland, first by cutting inside to blast off a shot from the edge of the area, which hits the top corner, then Shakira does a fat man run at the goal keeper before punching the ball into the net and finally, for Shakira's encore, she runs into the area and a toe-poke past the keeper while "singing why are my breasts so small and humble."

Match of A Sentence: France 0 Ecuador 0
In the 81st minute, down to ten men, the Ecuadorian forward, Micahel Arroyo ,spun the French defender to cut into the area and thrash a shot wide of the goalkeeper,subsequently falling to his knees and punching the ground beneath him, only to look up and see his number called to leave the pitch.

Don't Give Up the Hipster Hairdressing Job..... France are Geekpie

The French team have an amazing array of hairstyles and none of them look good, but most of them would not lookout of place on a Saturday night in East London. Giroud, Griezmann, Koscielney all sport sharp cuts on the back and sides with a trendy Hitler youth mop on top while Pogba, Sagna and Sakho all look like members of a early 90s hip hop troupe. If Karim Benzema came onto the pitch sporting a Geek Pie (the satirical Shoreditch haircut from the popular TV show, Nathan Barely) no manager, commentator or fan would think differently. 

Man Crush of The Day: Ezequiel Lavezzi

I've got to be honest if I was the manager of Argentina I would drop the best player in the

world and play Ezequiel Lavezzi. Messie may have four goals but he forces Di Maria, Aguerro and Higuain out of their favored positions because he has such a free role to wander. The other reason is Lionel Messi may be an artist but Lavezzi is a work of art. Look at the conflicting tapestry of Catholic imagery and homoerotic fetishism that decorates his torso, celebrating Jesus Christ (right peck), Maradonna (just above right hip) and guns (just above the left hip). Don't just disregard these tattoos as superficial  vanity - they carry sigil power of Argentina's footballing identity and could bring their third World Cup glory.


World Cup Predictor 

Today my beloved Ghana are in a pay dispute with their footballing federation and after Cameroon's win bonus scandal and Karem Benzema's new hair cut you do have to fear for football's financial sanity. So shoehorning the issue of financial inequality, lets base our World Cup predictor on Biggest Gender gap by earnings, rewarding the more feminist of footballing nations. All the data is taken from, www.bloomberg.com/visual-data/best-and-worst

Germany (Ranked 7: 22.3%)  VS USA (Ranked 6: 23.0% gap)
Jesus this is close. It feels unjust to reward Germany a victory, trough 0.7% less sexist so let's call it a draw.
Germany 1 USA 1

Portugal (Ranked 28: 12.8%) VS Ghana (Not Ranked)
Everyone works in Ghana, whether they get paid is another thing entirely. Think Portugal edge this competition.
Ghana 1 Portugal 2

South Korea (Ranked 1: 37.9% gap) VS Belgium (Ranked 29: 10.2%)
Who knew that South Korea are such misogynist, but i would have guessed that a made up country like Belgium would score high on equality.

Russia VS Algeria
Neither of these teams feature on the poll so either they are Utopian liberal hubs of the world or two of the most sexually oppressive states with such high unemployment it would be embarrassing to publish the disparity.
Russia 0 Algeria 0

The biggest annoyance around today's games is you will have to decide between Germany VS USA or Ghana VS Portugal (both mouthwatering ties). Its abut time television figured out a way to simultaneous broadcast coinciding matches so the viewer does not feel cheated. The two matches are not to be viewed as separate entities but different cells to great football whole....