World Cup Neck Ache

When you reach the final group games you really need two heads to avoid the neck ache. Yesterday in the pub I was caught between two screens while watching the conclusion to Group G. Just like the USA team, I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see what was happening in the other match. Unlike the USA team I wanted Ghana to cover themselves into glories of the past, but instead their performance was shrouded in the corruptions of the present with a pay dispute and bad behavior sending some of the team home even earlier.Forget two heads, you need three, four, a hydra-like mind to keep up with all the stories that surround this World Cup. Lucky I am here to make it simple.

Match of A Sentence: Portugal 2 Ghana 1

The Walton's John Boye kisses some money before scoring an own goal, only for Ghana to come back into game with good goal; but its highest paid player in the world that cashes in before Ghana and Portugal crash out.

Match of A Sentence: USA 0 Germany 1

Jurgen Klinsmann's team are so efficient you could call them German (actually 8 of them are) but they are not as German as Thomas Muller, the Bavarian Ken doll who scores again and everyone has to admit he is damm good, despite wanting to break his legs. 

Match of A Sentence: Algeria 1 Russia 1

Soul stirring stuff as Algeria (the World Cup's resident whipping boys) celebrate as they go through to the last 16 for the first time despite Russia coming out and not only playing but actually being genuinely exciting to watch as they score the first goal, but allow brave Algeria (see Faghouli's bleeding head) to fight back for a draw with the help of a laser beam pointed directly in the Russian keeper's face.

Match of A Sentence: Belgium 1 South Korea 0

Belgium continue to piss off the football hipster by grinding out victories and winning in the most assuming clinical manner, even with ten men.

Don't Give Up My Man Crushes... Best Team Out of the Competition

Amalgamating my two daily sections I have brought the best players in the tournament who are now out of the tournament. Playing the formation 4 4 2 (despite this formation being absent in most World Cup teams) so all positions on the pitch are fairly represented. 

Goalkeeper: A.Haghighi (Iran)

Defenders: Asamoah (Ghana),  J Guagua (Ecuador), Bonucci (Italy), Chiellini (Italy),

Midfield: Gervinho (Ivory Coast), Rakitic (Croatia), Tim Cahill (Australia), an Injured Ronaldo (Portugal)

Forwards: A Gyan (Ghana), E. Valencia (Ecuador)

So today is the first day without football as we begin the gradual come down from football saturation, sadly for me its like the world is getting smaller not bigger.

 

World Cup Spins Into The Last Sixteen

So the last sixteen looms and we have had some shock exits: England, Italy, Spain, Bosnia Herzegovina, Croatia, Ivory Coast or Japan would all of been fancied to progress.The group stages have been an awesome spectacle but you have to enough hope that good teams do reach the knock out stages because Costa Rica VS Greece does not wet the appetite. Everyone loves an upset but you still want great football....

Match of A Sentence: Nigeria 2 Argentina 3
Goal love-in, a man with a small child's face shocks himself twice by scoring two great goals only for Messi to seduce the keeper first by smashing in a rebound off the keeper's head and then, with a free kick, leaving the keeper dreaming of a third; someone did score at the end but no one cared because technically everyone had won.

Match of A Sentence: Bosnia Herzegovina 2 Iran 0
I would love to praise the brilliance of Pranjic, the dominance of Dzeko, and the entire Bosinia Herzegovina team's willingness to attack but they went out of the competition four days ago.

Match of A Sentence: Switzerland 3 Iran 0
Colombian popstar Shakira scores a hat trick for Switzerland, first by cutting inside to blast off a shot from the edge of the area, which hits the top corner, then Shakira does a fat man run at the goal keeper before punching the ball into the net and finally, for Shakira's encore, she runs into the area and a toe-poke past the keeper while "singing why are my breasts so small and humble."

Match of A Sentence: France 0 Ecuador 0
In the 81st minute, down to ten men, the Ecuadorian forward, Micahel Arroyo ,spun the French defender to cut into the area and thrash a shot wide of the goalkeeper,subsequently falling to his knees and punching the ground beneath him, only to look up and see his number called to leave the pitch.

Don't Give Up the Hipster Hairdressing Job..... France are Geekpie

The French team have an amazing array of hairstyles and none of them look good, but most of them would not lookout of place on a Saturday night in East London. Giroud, Griezmann, Koscielney all sport sharp cuts on the back and sides with a trendy Hitler youth mop on top while Pogba, Sagna and Sakho all look like members of a early 90s hip hop troupe. If Karim Benzema came onto the pitch sporting a Geek Pie (the satirical Shoreditch haircut from the popular TV show, Nathan Barely) no manager, commentator or fan would think differently. 

Man Crush of The Day: Ezequiel Lavezzi

I've got to be honest if I was the manager of Argentina I would drop the best player in the

world and play Ezequiel Lavezzi. Messie may have four goals but he forces Di Maria, Aguerro and Higuain out of their favored positions because he has such a free role to wander. The other reason is Lionel Messi may be an artist but Lavezzi is a work of art. Look at the conflicting tapestry of Catholic imagery and homoerotic fetishism that decorates his torso, celebrating Jesus Christ (right peck), Maradonna (just above right hip) and guns (just above the left hip). Don't just disregard these tattoos as superficial  vanity - they carry sigil power of Argentina's footballing identity and could bring their third World Cup glory.


World Cup Predictor 

Today my beloved Ghana are in a pay dispute with their footballing federation and after Cameroon's win bonus scandal and Karem Benzema's new hair cut you do have to fear for football's financial sanity. So shoehorning the issue of financial inequality, lets base our World Cup predictor on Biggest Gender gap by earnings, rewarding the more feminist of footballing nations. All the data is taken from, www.bloomberg.com/visual-data/best-and-worst

Germany (Ranked 7: 22.3%)  VS USA (Ranked 6: 23.0% gap)
Jesus this is close. It feels unjust to reward Germany a victory, trough 0.7% less sexist so let's call it a draw.
Germany 1 USA 1

Portugal (Ranked 28: 12.8%) VS Ghana (Not Ranked)
Everyone works in Ghana, whether they get paid is another thing entirely. Think Portugal edge this competition.
Ghana 1 Portugal 2

South Korea (Ranked 1: 37.9% gap) VS Belgium (Ranked 29: 10.2%)
Who knew that South Korea are such misogynist, but i would have guessed that a made up country like Belgium would score high on equality.

Russia VS Algeria
Neither of these teams feature on the poll so either they are Utopian liberal hubs of the world or two of the most sexually oppressive states with such high unemployment it would be embarrassing to publish the disparity.
Russia 0 Algeria 0

The biggest annoyance around today's games is you will have to decide between Germany VS USA or Ghana VS Portugal (both mouthwatering ties). Its abut time television figured out a way to simultaneous broadcast coinciding matches so the viewer does not feel cheated. The two matches are not to be viewed as separate entities but different cells to great football whole....

Daily Cup Of Controversy

If we don't get goals we get controversy! Luis Suarez is attracted to controversy like rabid dog to a meaty bone, while poor Ivory Coast (the most cursed of golden generations) go out to a non-existent  penalty and a team called England played...

Match of A Sentence: Uruguay 1 Italy 0
Italians play for a draw and bore themselves so much they get a player sent off, give away a goal, and let the opposition eat them. .

Match of A Sentence: England 0 Costa Rica 0
Did this game actually happen?

Match of A Sentence:  Columbia 4 Japan 1
The most exciting, attacking team at the World Cup so far, Columbia, have yet to be involved in an exciting game but James Rodriguez continues to be early alternative to Robben for player of the tournament.

Match of A Sentence: Greece 2 Ivory Coast 1
Controversy as Greece actually play well and Ivory Coast press the self destruct button in the most casual fashion as they lose to a controversial penalty in the final minutes.

Don't Give Up Friday Night Lights...... Edinson Cavani is Tim Riggins

Edinson Cavani should  go back to playing American football, in a Texas High School, for the Dillon Panthers (sorry if no one has seen the excellent TV series Friday Night Lights), rather than being  the only non-detestable element of Uruguay's World Cup Campaign. Cavani would be perfect as Tim Riggins, the rock and roll football star, from the wrong side of the tracks with a dream boat pout, who is worshiped by coaches, cheerleaders and children. Instead he is playing for a team everyone hates; Second billing to rabid dog masquerading as a footballer, with the biggest fouler in the tournament as their captain and a manager who  should be an extra in The Sopranos. When everyone is cheering for Italy you know you have lost, no matter how many goals you score, fouls you get away with or people you bite. Uruguay Forever...until they get knocked out by Columbia.

Man crush of the Day: Gervinho
You don't know what you got till its gone! As an Arsenal fan I wanted to love Gervinho but he could never stay on his feet. Overall impression was he was very needy for such a flamboyant player. Also when we first met he was not very cool! First, he had a dread over as a hair cut, an Earth Wind and Fire styled attempt to cover his bald patch and his increasing  large forehead. Secondly, his head was much larger than the rest of his body, which made him always look like he was in the process of falling over. He was Arsenal's Elephant Man on the wing. Thirdly, he was too fast to control himself, you felt he might just lose all sense of his body and run into the goal like a lemming to water. Absence has made the heart grow fonder! As Gervinho has had a great season at his new club Roma and has been Ivory Coast's best player during the World Cup (far better than much celebrated Yaya Toure). Now a hairband protects his bald patch from persecution. The Ivory Coast's new tight fighting Puma kit makes his head look more proportional to his body. And he looks like her can control his pace, as he has scored twice and set up one goal in three.  Our relationship may have not worked out in the past but I think we are both better for it and now I only have fond memories of him countlessly falling over for the Arsenal and being generally shit.

There are a many ways to wear dreads and Gervinho is finally learning

World Cup Predictor

So yesterday we said goodbye to Andrea Pirlo (who is now retired) and very likely goodbye to Gianilugi Buffon as Italy controversially exited the competition. No doubt that these two players will go down in history as two of the greatest players in their position. So in tribute to Pirlo I want to base today's World Cup predictor by wine consumption, as he is known as a wine concessionaire in Italy. Sadly this as proved troublesome for today's team as they are not all into their wine, so instead I have gone for alcohol consumption. Let the booziest be the best and soberest be beaten like the bores they are.

Data is from World Health Organisation on "Pure Alcohol consumption among adults (15+) in litres per capita per year in  2010 (see Wikipedia)

Argentina (9.3 litres) VS Nigeria (10.1 litres)
Shocked that Nigerians are such boozers! I would love to know how many Guinness Exports they drink in ratio to the Argies bottles of Malbec.
Argentina 3 Nigeria 2

Iran (1 litres) VS Bosnia Herzegovina (7.1litres)
Persia might be one of the oldest civilizations on the planet but this young country is  definitely old enough to drink.
Iran 0 Bosnia Herzegovina 3

France (12.2 litres) VS Ecuador (7.2 litres)
I can't imagine many countries drink as much wine as France  but I wonder what is Ecuadorian alcoholic beverage of choice? (see below)
France 3 Ecuador 1

Canelazo:  Email if you want to guess the ingredients

Switzerland (10.7) VS Honduras (4)
The Swiss have to drink so much so they don't seem so bloody bland, as for Hondurans l guess they have not enough rich tourist to get the litres flowing.
Switzerland 3 Honduras 0

So in homage to today's World Cup Predictor I am off for a pint or for that Ecuadorian type of tea....

Double Vision Should be Double The Fun

Simultaneous football matches are for Radio not TV! The plan was to set up another television! Then my husband reminded me you can watch the other match on your phone, lap top, tablet, cloud! But  we had both forgotten I am techno-tard (not phobic just retarded), and don't have the patience to work an alarm clock,let alone an ITV website that claims that I have insufficient bandwidth. When did the internet become such a bitch? Luckily we do have a thing called football highlights, so like all the great granddads I waited and watched Spain Australia and Brazil Cameroon after the fact...

Match of A Sentence: Chile 0 Netherlands 2

The South American Mighty Midget's get manhandled on the pitch and tactically out thought off it, as Robin proves he can be irritatingly good whatever the team, regardless if they have Norwich, Swansea or Villa players.

Match of A Sentence: Spain 3 Australia 0

A team of Spanish ghosts scare some young Australians with a ancient form of football called "Tiki-taka," as the third goal goes in  the Ozzies think they might have watched the future of football until they see David Villa crying. 

Match of A Sentence: Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

Goals look good, Neymar is growing into his haircut, and then the linesman gives Fred a goal out of charity, making you doubt your eyes: maybe this entire World Cup is a prerecorded Brazilian victory.Can I get a Charleston Heston NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Match of A Sentence: Mexico 3 Croatia 1

Mexican manger Miguel Herrerra (a foreign descendant of Toad of Toad Hall from Wind and the Willows) tactically beats Nico Kovac (played by Joseph Gordan Levitt), setting up a strong defensive formation and a great counter attack, but he will be more remembered for this....

Don't Give Up Being An Anime Goalkeeper... Guillermo Ochoa

I have given a lot of love to Mexico this year, Miguel Herrerra and Rafael Marquez have both featured as man crushes, but the player to  have received most of the media plaudits has been Guillermo Ochoa. The goalkeeping display against Brazil had the world media in raptures, though I think Tim Howard against Portugal and Sergio Romero against Iran produced better saves. A quality Ochoa has over these two bruisers is he has a very youthful and asexual appearance. A face with a pictorially symmetrical quality, that is too pretty to be described as cartoon and more like a Japanese animation. Ochoa has really good brand potential with easily identifiable visual signifies, crazy hair, headband, pretty face; you could see his image decorating kid's cereal boxes around the globe and is that not what all footballers dream of.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Man Crush of The Day: Nigel Dejong

You may have picked up I am not the biggest fan of the Dutch at this tournament!No doubt Arjen Robben has been the best player so far but besides appreciating his speed, calmness under pressure, and that god awful smile when he scores, I have no real love for him. The Dutch play like a well organised, mid level, Premier League side with two world class attackers to hit all the slower teams on the break. Maybe the Dutch manger Louis Van Gaal has been Man Ued (a term for when a person becomes associated with Manchester United and therefore becomes unlikable) with his new job looming at Old Trafford. Except for the two Robins the Netherlands looked ordinary however Nigel Dejong could prove me wrong.  So far the player known as "the pitbull"  to his friends has been outstanding in all three games. Dominating the talented Chilean and Spanish midfield by doing the dirty defensive work. Nigel also has the redemptive story arc, that after disgracing himself in the last World Cup final, for kicking a Spanish player across the chest  (the defining image from that game see below), he now has a chance to reach another final. No doubt if Nigel reaches the World Cup final do expect some broadsheet revisionism of his attributes as a player, but don't believe them, he is great and that's because deep down he is dirty and that's how I like it.

World Cup Predictor

In tribute to my techno retardation  I have based today's world cup predictor on the countries that watch the most media from an article in The Atlantic ( go to www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/05/ for some awesome charts).The chart below displays all the different devices we watch news, soaps and chat shows. Personally find it fascinating that Thailand and Indonesia watch more media on their phone than on any other device, no wonder they can't concentrate out on the football pitch. Let's reward the goggle boxers...

England  (411 minutes, minus Scotland, Wales, Ireland) VS Cost Rica (not ranked)
No contest! If the World Cup was HBO box set England would of watched it faster than the series running time. 
England 3 Costa Rica 0

Italy (317 minutes) VS Uruguay (not ranked)
Hate to think what awful things Italians watch! But unlike the Uruguayans they need to be distracted away from their political government.
Italy 3 Uruguay 0 

Ivory Coast (not ranked) VS Greece (not ranked)
I don't want to arrogantly presume that Ivorians watch less than the Greeks, as their far richer West African neighbors, Nigeria, watch 193 minutes on their smart phone.
Ivory Coast 1 Greece 1

Columbia (437 minutes) VS Japan (343 minutes)
Pretty shocked Columbia are such big TV watchers, I presumed they would be too busy being brilliant at football but they edge it over Japanese.
Columbia 2 Japan 1

However you watch the World Cup! Enjoy it! And watch Italy Uruguay which promises to be a corker. I think on the other channel is showing the group winners against some small country who have nothing to play for and are just happy to make up the numbers.

No Sleep Till Knock Out!

Over the last ten days I have been regularly going to bed at 2PM due to the daily late night kick offs. Thanks to an incredible number of come backs, its not been a struggle to stay awake.  " No Sleep Till Knock Out!" has been my mantra and with the exception of Japan VS Greece all the late night kick offs have been great. However last night we said goodbye to the 11PM kick off, concluding with a classic, Portugal VS USA. My girlfriend will be pleased that I will no longer be screaming with joy in the midnight hour, but I have to confess I will miss all the men who have excited me, long past my bedtime.......

Match of A Sentence: Belgium 1 Russia 0
Sadly Russian/ EX England Manager , Fabio Capello, can only speak one language, defensive, conservative, football and that dialect is not recognized in Brazil, luckily 30 seconds from Eden Hazard put Fabio in his place.

Match of A Sentence: Algeria 4 South Korea 2
The longest standing whipping boys in World Cup history have their overdue revenge at the cost of South Korea, who are patronized out of the competition despite being fairly pleasing on the eye and technically still can qualify (they won't).

Match of A Sentence: Portugal 2 USA 2
The slippery greasers of Portugal flirt with World Cup death, after the Lizard king, Nani, gives them the lead, only for the hard working USA (led by a man who looks like a battered lesbian, Go Clint Dempsy!) to come back to take the lead and make it 2-1, subsquently waking up the uninterested Ronaldo,who stops dancing with the ball, like he is Michael Jackson reborn as a footballer, and crosses for the equalizer deep into injury time, in short, thought not possible, the game was awesome! (well aware that is not a sentence, it was too good to be comprehensible!).

Don't Give Up The Royal Family...Kevin DeBruyen is Prince Harry

I am not a big fan of the Royal Family! Raised a republican, I would rather the entire Royal Family were all  beheaded, so we do not have to waste our taxes on them. Maybe group decapitation is too strong a cut! But when people bang on about the poor sponging off the state and yet celebrate a royal baby's birth, their hypocrisy brings bile to the back of my throat.So when I realized that Prince Harry had abdicated his royal responsibilities, taken up Belgium citizenship, decided to become a professional footballer and changed his name to Kevin DeBruyen, I was glad. Well done Harry for making something of himself; a tidy footballer, with a surprisingly good work rate and subtle touch you don't associate with the aristocracy; his performance against Algeria was exemplary. It's just a shame he could not play for the country of his family heritage: Germany. 

Man Crush of The Day: Sofiane Feghouli
The Algerian midfielder has a sensational touch, rarely dibbling or passing on the floor he seems to juggle between chips and flicks, passing often to himself, (forever the egotist). Very few men are as good with their feet a Feghouli but his flattering ball control lacks the stats. Only one assist and no goals despite Algeria scoring five in two games. All arrogant but no modest product, means my crush might be style over substance, but what style! He can flatter me to all manner of deception. The question must be asked, "Have I fallen for the fantastic Feghouli or a footballing fugazi."

World up Predictor
As the World Cup's longest nights are now over, I want to reward the teams that get the least daylight to practice the game. Clearly this would have been an advantage back in the dark ages but not in the modern, floodlight era, but I am running out of random ways to predict matches.

Brazil VS Cameroon 
Cameroon who are too close to the equator to compete with Brazil's nightlife.
Brazil 3 Cameroon 0

Mexico VS Croatia
Mexico is one of the sunniest places in the world so I am sure they don't even want to compete  with the dark winters of Croatia.
Croatia 2 Mexico 1

Netherlands VS Chile 
Netherlands make the most out of their limited sunshine in comparison to a spoilt Chile. 
Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Spain  VS Australia 
One of the sunniest countries in Europe has far longer nights than one of the sunniest countries in the  Southern Hemisphere. Another reason to hate Australians.
Spain 3 Australia 2

Sorry for my lack of stats but the internet is playing up in my flat, and I must get the final day's sunshine before the football eclipses the sun, to shorten my day into a night of goals, goals, goals.

The Day Ghana Restored World Cup love into English Hearts

Sometimes a second half  can be so intoxicating from start to finish that you are left spinning and confused by the experience. The second half between Ghana and Germany was such a half! Spiritual in its intensity, its rare that at the end of a game all the players collapse with exhaustion and you empathize with all 22 players. That moment the final whistle blew and every player crashed to their knees, they could regain consciousness and realize they had taken part in a moment of grace. Oh and there were two other great games...

Match of A Sentence: Argentina 1 Iran 0

Imagine sweating blood, legs dead, breathing beyond exhaustion, reliving a missed headed chance, being robbed of a penalty,  and defending for 92 minutes against the best attacking team in the world only for Messie to score an exceptional goal with the last kick.

Match of A Sentence: Germany 2 Germany 2

One of the best second halves in World Cup history;words cannot do this game justice, only screaming, shouting, jumping and the occasional dance. 

Match of A Sentence: Nigeria 1 Bosnia Herzegovina

Forget passing the ball around and having a great technique; Nigeria just bully a goal, bully a victory and bully all the critics who had written them off. 

Don't Give Up being Omega Theta, Pi.. The German Team are 80s frat-boy villains.

I really like the German side, they play great passing football and I don't want to reinforce negative stereotypes of the ancestors of the Nazis but they have creepy similarity to Animal House frat boy villains, Omega Theta, Pi. The camaraderie amongst Muller, Ozil, Gotze and Shweinsteiger when discussing a free kick was so visible it was frightening. The shared slick north European appearance (with the exception of Ozil, who is the immigrant kid who got a colleague scholarship) makes them look scarily self assured. The fact they did not lose their heads when the entire crowd was against them was applaudable and detestable at the same time. It feels predictable and tragic that this team with so much talent and poise are to be cast as the enemy to Brazil or Argentina winning the World Cup. If only they appeared less clearly suited to winning they might win some hearts.  

Man Crush of the Day: Kwadwo Asamoah

It would be easy to praise the fearless running and positive football of Assamoah Gyan, Andrew Ayew and Christina Atsu, but the unsung hero of this Ghana team and the Ghanaian team that reached the quarter finals four years ago is Kwadwo Asamoah. Kwadwo's great positional sense and accurate passing are not the playing attributes associated with African football but they are so good he has been playing for Juventus's champion winning midfield with Pirlo, Pogba and Vidal.  He does not conform to the racist stereotypes that commentators unintentionally use around African teams. If anything commentators have criticized him for lacking pace like any commentator would level that accusation at an Italian midfielder. When a player is this underrated you start to form an ownership over him. No one knows why I love Asamoah but when everyone does open their eyes to how beautiful a player he is they will be forever jealous of not realizing sooner.

World Cup Predictor

There has been a lot of love on the field during this world cup. Its very possible that this love has come from so many teams' desire to attack. Its a lot easier to congratulate a player at the end of the game or give him a helping hug to his feet if you have not been kicking the shit out him. My favorite hug of the tournament so far has been between Spain's Andre Iniesta and Chile's goal scorer Charles Araguiz, despite Spain being two nill down and about to face early elimination. Sadly I could not find a poll for the biggest huggers in the world but I do have my own experiences.


Belgium (Ranked 6 ) VS Russia (Ranked 4)
I have never hugged a Belgium but Russians are always been fairly stiff and mannered in their sharing of bodily warmth; however any hug is better than no hug.
Belgium 0 Russia 1

South Korea (Ranked 3 ) VS  Algeria (Ranked 5 )
South Koreans know how to do a polite hug - the arms are always just high below the shoulders but never intruding around the stomach in contrast to the one angry Algerian I met who may have benefited from a hug but was not forthcoming.
South Korea 3 Algeria 0


Portugal (Ranked 2 ) VS USA (Ranked 1)
Both are great casual huggers and will happily hug a stranger after a short conversation.The Americans edge it because they also like giving you a good pat on the back in the process. 

Let's just hope the hugging continues...

England's World Cup Life Support Is Turned Off!

So any glimmers of cruel hopes are gone... Costa Rica have put the pillow over our collective head and watched us gently suffocate in the most humane of World Cup exits. The inquest had already begun, however by 7PM yesterday  journalists were being forced to rewrite their conclusion as the team with just one player from the top European leagues had qualified for the last 16. In any other context the British press would be full of patronizing praise for Jorge Luis Pinto's side, but they were too busy being shell-shocked at what had happened. So here is how it happened....

Match of A Sentence: Costa Rica 1 Italy 0
Italy sweat in the heat as their formation changes invites the doggiest of underdogs to bully Italy's Mr Cool into long passes, Ballotie into missing a sitter and England into worrying about EURO 2016.

Match of A Sentence: France 5 Switzerland 2
Le Coiffures continue to impress with five choice cuts as 'the blands' lose the game within two minutes but have to be continually embarrassed by their better looking neighbors for another 72. 

Match of A Sentence: Ecuador 2 Honduras 1
A team of Honduran wrestlers  close line into the lead thanks to (star player and plastic straw chomper) Carlo Costly (amazing name) only for Ecuador's Olympic sprinting team to come back thanks to  two goals form the slightest player on the pitch, Enner Valencia, who is the David to a team of Goliaths.

 Don't Give Up the WWWF...... Carlos Costly, Victor Bernandes, and any Honduran 

The WWWF (The World Wide Wrestling Federation) were re-branded in the late 90s after reports of a few incidents in central America of a group of confused, amateur wrestlers who had been discovered body slamming some pandas (despite them not being indigenous to Central America) . Due to the age of these perpetrators their identity remained a secret and they were enrolled on a government football rehabilitation scheme.  I can now reveal that two of these men were Carlos Costly and Victor Bernandes of the Honduran national football team. Carlos Costly's original name was Samuel Benitez, however he changed his name when turning 18 to his preferred wrestler identity, The Money Man: Carlos Costly. Carlos has been glob trotting under the guise of a professional footballer for last eight years across 10 different countries as a front for his international career as an underground wrestler. On the football pitch he still chomps on a plastic straw mid-match in tribute to his wrestling persona, he calls this "the last straw."  Meanwhile Victor Bernandes has simply incorporated his love for wrestling into his position as Honduras's first choice center back. Victor has great swagger and has been known to Choke Grip, Back Break or Power Bomb opponents off the ball, however his long distance free kick shots with theatrical dance run up has really lit up the World Cup. As both players deal with their wrestling problem they have been protected by the tutelage of Luis Suarz, the Honduran manager who has been know to run to the touchline with a steel chair in support of his players. 

Man Crush of The Day: Christian Bolanas

Players like Cost Rica's winger Christian Bolanas are reason alone to watch the World Cup, just like Carlos Costly and Enner Valencia this midfielder is not big name player who has made name for himself. England players take note, this is how to be dogged winger, pushing up into the Italians faces. As he grew into the game his sweat ganerred him a greasy quality making him slippery in attack. If there is any justice (and to be honest this is a shit reward) he will be signed up by Stoke, Southampton or any mid-level premier league team. Plus he looks like he should be playing at Wimbledon on Monday.

World Cup Predictor 
Clearly yesterday was owned by Cost Rica and our patronsiing media reminindg that the coutry has a population of 4,586,353 in comparison to England's 53,012,456. So in the name of patronizing any football team with the smallest population,lets reward the limited human resources against the many. 

Argentina (41,660,417) VS Iran (77,176,930) 
Never new Iran had so many people and sudquently Argentina are favourites even if they are the less patronized.
Argentina 3 Iran 1

Ghana (24,200,000) VS Germany (80,219, 695)
Who actually dislikes Ghana? The fans will get their reward against the most fancied European team.
Ghana 3 Germany 1

Nigeria (174,507,539) VS Bosnia Herzegovina (3,871,643) 
Bosnia are the best patronized team at this tournament, its hard not to love them as they sink Nigeria's world cup hopes
Bosnia 5 Nigeria 0

So England maybe out but I got a date with my two other favorite teams, Bosnia Herzegovina and Ghana. Oddly during the Uruguay England match Italian television sent out the below subliminal message mid match (true story)

.No wonder we were doomed, the collective consciousness of Italian psychics were against was against us....