More Cagey Than a Prison Visit To A Zoo

What a goal! We all saw it right? James Rodriguez wonder volley on the turn with his back to goal! Don't care how many villainous Uruguayans you have on the pitch your not stopping that goal. And then after greatest individual goal of the tournament we had the best team goal, again scored from James Rodriguez. He is so good, ITV commentator and UKIP spokesman, Clive Tyldesly, continued to mispronounce his name in the hope that he becomes English.

Match of A Sentence: Brazil 1 Chile 1

Howard Webb does not fall for the Brazilian charms and the marvelous midgets of Chile are a cross bar away from the quarter finals, only for the worst penalty shoot out in living memory to decide that the host's party must go on.

Match of A Sentence: Columbia 2 Uruguay 0

The name's Rodriguez, James Rodriguez, you pronounce it Yamus not James, Clive,Yamus, yes I know its not very marketable, but you're going to have to get use to it Clive, because I am here to stay.

Don't Give Up The French Connection.... Phil Scolari is Gene Hackman

Brazil's manager, Big Phil Scolari, is scary enough! He does not need to channel the spirit of Popeye Doyle to intimidate the opposition. Play paranoid in media interviews like he did as Harry Caul in The Conversation. Nor does he need to relive his performance as American Football coach Jimmy McGinty (from the underrated sports gem The Replacements)  when attempting to motivate his team before a penalty shootout. Big Phil needs none of the cheap theatrics he picked up in Hollywood but it does make him more entertaining.

Man Crush of the Day: Alexis Sanchez

Maybe its the way he wears his short shorts, showing off his legs while sporting a wedgie. Or maybe its the slick quiff, boyish looks and  smooth Latin skin. Alexis Sanchez has been "working it" this tournament, "working it," in the working girl sense.So graceful in possession of the ball and yet not selfish in his distribution to his team.He can give and take in equal measure. Appearing like the perfect prospective purchase for any Premier League club. Alexis has been touting his worth like a high class hooker. Barcelona don't want him and thanks to the World Cup his price has considerably risen, along with his shorts.

He likes Short Shorts

World Cup Moral Barometer

An attempt to politicize World Cup in the hope it can be our moral compass for the future and I get to slag off countries I don't like.

Mexico VS Netherlands

The Moral Argument:  Even if you disregarded Mexico's unsuccessful war on drugs (that has left 60,000 dead and 20, 000 missing) it still has a poor international reputation. For example in gender equality it ranked 89th by World Economic Forum in 2011. Mexicans are not just behind on gender politics, they got poor diversity record as well, with the indigenous inhabitants (9% of population) who mainly live in the poor south ,being treated like second class citizens, not having the access to adequate housing, health care and education like they do in the rich north. The Dutch win this argument by having a functional democracy, being less than a quarter the size of Mexico and having far more relaxed drug laws.

In Football Terms: Both teams have been defensive and have got a lot of goals on the break, so expect the game to be cagey with neither team wanting to attack.

Netherlands 2 Mexico 0

Costa Rica VS Greece

The Moral Argument: Costa Rica is like heaven! One of the most stable and prosperous countries in Latin America, it's been a democracy since the 1950s and constitutionally got rid of its standing army  in 1949. Costa Rica's environmental policies are amazing for a so called developing country, ranked fifth in the world, and first in the Americas, in terms of the 2012 Environment Performance index. In 2007 the Costa Rican government announced plans for Costa Rica to be the first Carbon neutral country by 2021. The New Economics Foundation ranked Costa Rica first in its 2009 Happy index and once again in 2012. As for Greece... they like to kill their fathers, have sex with there mothers  and rip out their own eyes.

In Football Terms: Costa Rica's flexible pressing has made them the shock of the tournament, turning a dogged attack into the best form of defense, in comparison to the classically cynical Greeks who like to park the bus. 

Costa Rica 3 Greece 0

So expect the two matches to have an atmosphere more cagey than a prison visit to a zoo,  If you get downhearted by all defending, just watch this...

Love the camera work..

Can The World Cup be A Morality Play

Men biting each other, the kissing of money to play a sport you once loved, the threat of players going on strike, riots on the streets against the competition, second verses of national anthems proudly sung a capella because organizers will only allow music to play for the regulated 90 seconds.The World Cup without the football makes you despair for modern day morality. 

But don't you worry! Because I have formed the World Cup Moral barometer: a way of measuring the morality of the final sixteen teams, so we know who is the real victor. 

World Cup Predictor Presents: The World Cup Moral Barometer

Brazil Vs Chile

Moral Argument: Brazil, the most notoriously corrupt country in South America who has reached international controversy over pacification, deforestation and rise in the cost of living in contrast to Chile, the most stable and prosperous nations in the world. It leads Latin American nations in rankings of human development, income per capita, state of peace, economic freedom and a low perception of corruption. 

In Football Terms: The fun loving team from South America that can only play exciting, passing, attacking football as a form of deference, against Brazil. How the mighty have fallen!

Barometer Reading: Chile 2 Brazil 0

Uruguay Vs Columbia

Moral Argument: Forget all you have read about Luis Suarez and Uruguayans support of him because Uruguay has one of the most moral leaders  in the world, in the form of Jose Mujica. Nicknamed the poor man's president, he has legalized abortion, same sex marriage, cannabis and leaves in the most modest surroundings. Don't believe me! How about the BBC

Since Mandela and Tony Benn passed away a huge amount of the media claimed we had lost a generation of moral political leaders born out of World War Two, that is complete cynical bullshit, Jose Mujica is a real revolutionary who became a political hero without being matryed. As for Colombia,  they did rank 6th on Happy Planet Index in 2009 but I don't know the name of their leader.

In Football Terms: Remember all you  have read about Luis Suarez because their is going to be a Luis Suarez gap up front. Columbia have been the neutrals favorites along with Chile, so expect Uruguayans dirtier players (epitomized by villainous Captain Diego Godin) to be caught out by the excellent James Robrigueriz.

Barometer Reading: Uruguay 2 Columbia 2 (Columbia go through on penalties). 

So can the under achievers of South American football, Chile and Columbia, finally beat the historically prestigious teams of Uruguay and Brazil. Its so far been the up-setter's World Cup, so lets hope we get moral victories we deserve.  

World Cup Neck Ache

When you reach the final group games you really need two heads to avoid the neck ache. Yesterday in the pub I was caught between two screens while watching the conclusion to Group G. Just like the USA team, I was constantly looking over my shoulder to see what was happening in the other match. Unlike the USA team I wanted Ghana to cover themselves into glories of the past, but instead their performance was shrouded in the corruptions of the present with a pay dispute and bad behavior sending some of the team home even earlier.Forget two heads, you need three, four, a hydra-like mind to keep up with all the stories that surround this World Cup. Lucky I am here to make it simple.

Match of A Sentence: Portugal 2 Ghana 1

The Walton's John Boye kisses some money before scoring an own goal, only for Ghana to come back into game with good goal; but its highest paid player in the world that cashes in before Ghana and Portugal crash out.

Match of A Sentence: USA 0 Germany 1

Jurgen Klinsmann's team are so efficient you could call them German (actually 8 of them are) but they are not as German as Thomas Muller, the Bavarian Ken doll who scores again and everyone has to admit he is damm good, despite wanting to break his legs. 

Match of A Sentence: Algeria 1 Russia 1

Soul stirring stuff as Algeria (the World Cup's resident whipping boys) celebrate as they go through to the last 16 for the first time despite Russia coming out and not only playing but actually being genuinely exciting to watch as they score the first goal, but allow brave Algeria (see Faghouli's bleeding head) to fight back for a draw with the help of a laser beam pointed directly in the Russian keeper's face.

Match of A Sentence: Belgium 1 South Korea 0

Belgium continue to piss off the football hipster by grinding out victories and winning in the most assuming clinical manner, even with ten men.

Don't Give Up My Man Crushes... Best Team Out of the Competition

Amalgamating my two daily sections I have brought the best players in the tournament who are now out of the tournament. Playing the formation 4 4 2 (despite this formation being absent in most World Cup teams) so all positions on the pitch are fairly represented. 

Goalkeeper: A.Haghighi (Iran)

Defenders: Asamoah (Ghana),  J Guagua (Ecuador), Bonucci (Italy), Chiellini (Italy),

Midfield: Gervinho (Ivory Coast), Rakitic (Croatia), Tim Cahill (Australia), an Injured Ronaldo (Portugal)

Forwards: A Gyan (Ghana), E. Valencia (Ecuador)

So today is the first day without football as we begin the gradual come down from football saturation, sadly for me its like the world is getting smaller not bigger.

 

World Cup Spins Into The Last Sixteen

So the last sixteen looms and we have had some shock exits: England, Italy, Spain, Bosnia Herzegovina, Croatia, Ivory Coast or Japan would all of been fancied to progress.The group stages have been an awesome spectacle but you have to enough hope that good teams do reach the knock out stages because Costa Rica VS Greece does not wet the appetite. Everyone loves an upset but you still want great football....

Match of A Sentence: Nigeria 2 Argentina 3
Goal love-in, a man with a small child's face shocks himself twice by scoring two great goals only for Messi to seduce the keeper first by smashing in a rebound off the keeper's head and then, with a free kick, leaving the keeper dreaming of a third; someone did score at the end but no one cared because technically everyone had won.

Match of A Sentence: Bosnia Herzegovina 2 Iran 0
I would love to praise the brilliance of Pranjic, the dominance of Dzeko, and the entire Bosinia Herzegovina team's willingness to attack but they went out of the competition four days ago.

Match of A Sentence: Switzerland 3 Iran 0
Colombian popstar Shakira scores a hat trick for Switzerland, first by cutting inside to blast off a shot from the edge of the area, which hits the top corner, then Shakira does a fat man run at the goal keeper before punching the ball into the net and finally, for Shakira's encore, she runs into the area and a toe-poke past the keeper while "singing why are my breasts so small and humble."

Match of A Sentence: France 0 Ecuador 0
In the 81st minute, down to ten men, the Ecuadorian forward, Micahel Arroyo ,spun the French defender to cut into the area and thrash a shot wide of the goalkeeper,subsequently falling to his knees and punching the ground beneath him, only to look up and see his number called to leave the pitch.

Don't Give Up the Hipster Hairdressing Job..... France are Geekpie

The French team have an amazing array of hairstyles and none of them look good, but most of them would not lookout of place on a Saturday night in East London. Giroud, Griezmann, Koscielney all sport sharp cuts on the back and sides with a trendy Hitler youth mop on top while Pogba, Sagna and Sakho all look like members of a early 90s hip hop troupe. If Karim Benzema came onto the pitch sporting a Geek Pie (the satirical Shoreditch haircut from the popular TV show, Nathan Barely) no manager, commentator or fan would think differently. 

Man Crush of The Day: Ezequiel Lavezzi

I've got to be honest if I was the manager of Argentina I would drop the best player in the

world and play Ezequiel Lavezzi. Messie may have four goals but he forces Di Maria, Aguerro and Higuain out of their favored positions because he has such a free role to wander. The other reason is Lionel Messi may be an artist but Lavezzi is a work of art. Look at the conflicting tapestry of Catholic imagery and homoerotic fetishism that decorates his torso, celebrating Jesus Christ (right peck), Maradonna (just above right hip) and guns (just above the left hip). Don't just disregard these tattoos as superficial  vanity - they carry sigil power of Argentina's footballing identity and could bring their third World Cup glory.


World Cup Predictor 

Today my beloved Ghana are in a pay dispute with their footballing federation and after Cameroon's win bonus scandal and Karem Benzema's new hair cut you do have to fear for football's financial sanity. So shoehorning the issue of financial inequality, lets base our World Cup predictor on Biggest Gender gap by earnings, rewarding the more feminist of footballing nations. All the data is taken from, www.bloomberg.com/visual-data/best-and-worst

Germany (Ranked 7: 22.3%)  VS USA (Ranked 6: 23.0% gap)
Jesus this is close. It feels unjust to reward Germany a victory, trough 0.7% less sexist so let's call it a draw.
Germany 1 USA 1

Portugal (Ranked 28: 12.8%) VS Ghana (Not Ranked)
Everyone works in Ghana, whether they get paid is another thing entirely. Think Portugal edge this competition.
Ghana 1 Portugal 2

South Korea (Ranked 1: 37.9% gap) VS Belgium (Ranked 29: 10.2%)
Who knew that South Korea are such misogynist, but i would have guessed that a made up country like Belgium would score high on equality.

Russia VS Algeria
Neither of these teams feature on the poll so either they are Utopian liberal hubs of the world or two of the most sexually oppressive states with such high unemployment it would be embarrassing to publish the disparity.
Russia 0 Algeria 0

The biggest annoyance around today's games is you will have to decide between Germany VS USA or Ghana VS Portugal (both mouthwatering ties). Its abut time television figured out a way to simultaneous broadcast coinciding matches so the viewer does not feel cheated. The two matches are not to be viewed as separate entities but different cells to great football whole....

Daily Cup Of Controversy

If we don't get goals we get controversy! Luis Suarez is attracted to controversy like rabid dog to a meaty bone, while poor Ivory Coast (the most cursed of golden generations) go out to a non-existent  penalty and a team called England played...

Match of A Sentence: Uruguay 1 Italy 0
Italians play for a draw and bore themselves so much they get a player sent off, give away a goal, and let the opposition eat them. .

Match of A Sentence: England 0 Costa Rica 0
Did this game actually happen?

Match of A Sentence:  Columbia 4 Japan 1
The most exciting, attacking team at the World Cup so far, Columbia, have yet to be involved in an exciting game but James Rodriguez continues to be early alternative to Robben for player of the tournament.

Match of A Sentence: Greece 2 Ivory Coast 1
Controversy as Greece actually play well and Ivory Coast press the self destruct button in the most casual fashion as they lose to a controversial penalty in the final minutes.

Don't Give Up Friday Night Lights...... Edinson Cavani is Tim Riggins

Edinson Cavani should  go back to playing American football, in a Texas High School, for the Dillon Panthers (sorry if no one has seen the excellent TV series Friday Night Lights), rather than being  the only non-detestable element of Uruguay's World Cup Campaign. Cavani would be perfect as Tim Riggins, the rock and roll football star, from the wrong side of the tracks with a dream boat pout, who is worshiped by coaches, cheerleaders and children. Instead he is playing for a team everyone hates; Second billing to rabid dog masquerading as a footballer, with the biggest fouler in the tournament as their captain and a manager who  should be an extra in The Sopranos. When everyone is cheering for Italy you know you have lost, no matter how many goals you score, fouls you get away with or people you bite. Uruguay Forever...until they get knocked out by Columbia.

Man crush of the Day: Gervinho
You don't know what you got till its gone! As an Arsenal fan I wanted to love Gervinho but he could never stay on his feet. Overall impression was he was very needy for such a flamboyant player. Also when we first met he was not very cool! First, he had a dread over as a hair cut, an Earth Wind and Fire styled attempt to cover his bald patch and his increasing  large forehead. Secondly, his head was much larger than the rest of his body, which made him always look like he was in the process of falling over. He was Arsenal's Elephant Man on the wing. Thirdly, he was too fast to control himself, you felt he might just lose all sense of his body and run into the goal like a lemming to water. Absence has made the heart grow fonder! As Gervinho has had a great season at his new club Roma and has been Ivory Coast's best player during the World Cup (far better than much celebrated Yaya Toure). Now a hairband protects his bald patch from persecution. The Ivory Coast's new tight fighting Puma kit makes his head look more proportional to his body. And he looks like her can control his pace, as he has scored twice and set up one goal in three.  Our relationship may have not worked out in the past but I think we are both better for it and now I only have fond memories of him countlessly falling over for the Arsenal and being generally shit.

There are a many ways to wear dreads and Gervinho is finally learning

World Cup Predictor

So yesterday we said goodbye to Andrea Pirlo (who is now retired) and very likely goodbye to Gianilugi Buffon as Italy controversially exited the competition. No doubt that these two players will go down in history as two of the greatest players in their position. So in tribute to Pirlo I want to base today's World Cup predictor by wine consumption, as he is known as a wine concessionaire in Italy. Sadly this as proved troublesome for today's team as they are not all into their wine, so instead I have gone for alcohol consumption. Let the booziest be the best and soberest be beaten like the bores they are.

Data is from World Health Organisation on "Pure Alcohol consumption among adults (15+) in litres per capita per year in  2010 (see Wikipedia)

Argentina (9.3 litres) VS Nigeria (10.1 litres)
Shocked that Nigerians are such boozers! I would love to know how many Guinness Exports they drink in ratio to the Argies bottles of Malbec.
Argentina 3 Nigeria 2

Iran (1 litres) VS Bosnia Herzegovina (7.1litres)
Persia might be one of the oldest civilizations on the planet but this young country is  definitely old enough to drink.
Iran 0 Bosnia Herzegovina 3

France (12.2 litres) VS Ecuador (7.2 litres)
I can't imagine many countries drink as much wine as France  but I wonder what is Ecuadorian alcoholic beverage of choice? (see below)
France 3 Ecuador 1

Canelazo:  Email if you want to guess the ingredients

Switzerland (10.7) VS Honduras (4)
The Swiss have to drink so much so they don't seem so bloody bland, as for Hondurans l guess they have not enough rich tourist to get the litres flowing.
Switzerland 3 Honduras 0

So in homage to today's World Cup Predictor I am off for a pint or for that Ecuadorian type of tea....

Double Vision Should be Double The Fun

Simultaneous football matches are for Radio not TV! The plan was to set up another television! Then my husband reminded me you can watch the other match on your phone, lap top, tablet, cloud! But  we had both forgotten I am techno-tard (not phobic just retarded), and don't have the patience to work an alarm clock,let alone an ITV website that claims that I have insufficient bandwidth. When did the internet become such a bitch? Luckily we do have a thing called football highlights, so like all the great granddads I waited and watched Spain Australia and Brazil Cameroon after the fact...

Match of A Sentence: Chile 0 Netherlands 2

The South American Mighty Midget's get manhandled on the pitch and tactically out thought off it, as Robin proves he can be irritatingly good whatever the team, regardless if they have Norwich, Swansea or Villa players.

Match of A Sentence: Spain 3 Australia 0

A team of Spanish ghosts scare some young Australians with a ancient form of football called "Tiki-taka," as the third goal goes in  the Ozzies think they might have watched the future of football until they see David Villa crying. 

Match of A Sentence: Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

Goals look good, Neymar is growing into his haircut, and then the linesman gives Fred a goal out of charity, making you doubt your eyes: maybe this entire World Cup is a prerecorded Brazilian victory.Can I get a Charleston Heston NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Match of A Sentence: Mexico 3 Croatia 1

Mexican manger Miguel Herrerra (a foreign descendant of Toad of Toad Hall from Wind and the Willows) tactically beats Nico Kovac (played by Joseph Gordan Levitt), setting up a strong defensive formation and a great counter attack, but he will be more remembered for this....

Don't Give Up Being An Anime Goalkeeper... Guillermo Ochoa

I have given a lot of love to Mexico this year, Miguel Herrerra and Rafael Marquez have both featured as man crushes, but the player to  have received most of the media plaudits has been Guillermo Ochoa. The goalkeeping display against Brazil had the world media in raptures, though I think Tim Howard against Portugal and Sergio Romero against Iran produced better saves. A quality Ochoa has over these two bruisers is he has a very youthful and asexual appearance. A face with a pictorially symmetrical quality, that is too pretty to be described as cartoon and more like a Japanese animation. Ochoa has really good brand potential with easily identifiable visual signifies, crazy hair, headband, pretty face; you could see his image decorating kid's cereal boxes around the globe and is that not what all footballers dream of.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Man Crush of The Day: Nigel Dejong

You may have picked up I am not the biggest fan of the Dutch at this tournament!No doubt Arjen Robben has been the best player so far but besides appreciating his speed, calmness under pressure, and that god awful smile when he scores, I have no real love for him. The Dutch play like a well organised, mid level, Premier League side with two world class attackers to hit all the slower teams on the break. Maybe the Dutch manger Louis Van Gaal has been Man Ued (a term for when a person becomes associated with Manchester United and therefore becomes unlikable) with his new job looming at Old Trafford. Except for the two Robins the Netherlands looked ordinary however Nigel Dejong could prove me wrong.  So far the player known as "the pitbull"  to his friends has been outstanding in all three games. Dominating the talented Chilean and Spanish midfield by doing the dirty defensive work. Nigel also has the redemptive story arc, that after disgracing himself in the last World Cup final, for kicking a Spanish player across the chest  (the defining image from that game see below), he now has a chance to reach another final. No doubt if Nigel reaches the World Cup final do expect some broadsheet revisionism of his attributes as a player, but don't believe them, he is great and that's because deep down he is dirty and that's how I like it.

World Cup Predictor

In tribute to my techno retardation  I have based today's world cup predictor on the countries that watch the most media from an article in The Atlantic ( go to www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/05/ for some awesome charts).The chart below displays all the different devices we watch news, soaps and chat shows. Personally find it fascinating that Thailand and Indonesia watch more media on their phone than on any other device, no wonder they can't concentrate out on the football pitch. Let's reward the goggle boxers...

England  (411 minutes, minus Scotland, Wales, Ireland) VS Cost Rica (not ranked)
No contest! If the World Cup was HBO box set England would of watched it faster than the series running time. 
England 3 Costa Rica 0

Italy (317 minutes) VS Uruguay (not ranked)
Hate to think what awful things Italians watch! But unlike the Uruguayans they need to be distracted away from their political government.
Italy 3 Uruguay 0 

Ivory Coast (not ranked) VS Greece (not ranked)
I don't want to arrogantly presume that Ivorians watch less than the Greeks, as their far richer West African neighbors, Nigeria, watch 193 minutes on their smart phone.
Ivory Coast 1 Greece 1

Columbia (437 minutes) VS Japan (343 minutes)
Pretty shocked Columbia are such big TV watchers, I presumed they would be too busy being brilliant at football but they edge it over Japanese.
Columbia 2 Japan 1

However you watch the World Cup! Enjoy it! And watch Italy Uruguay which promises to be a corker. I think on the other channel is showing the group winners against some small country who have nothing to play for and are just happy to make up the numbers.

No Sleep Till Knock Out!

Over the last ten days I have been regularly going to bed at 2PM due to the daily late night kick offs. Thanks to an incredible number of come backs, its not been a struggle to stay awake.  " No Sleep Till Knock Out!" has been my mantra and with the exception of Japan VS Greece all the late night kick offs have been great. However last night we said goodbye to the 11PM kick off, concluding with a classic, Portugal VS USA. My girlfriend will be pleased that I will no longer be screaming with joy in the midnight hour, but I have to confess I will miss all the men who have excited me, long past my bedtime.......

Match of A Sentence: Belgium 1 Russia 0
Sadly Russian/ EX England Manager , Fabio Capello, can only speak one language, defensive, conservative, football and that dialect is not recognized in Brazil, luckily 30 seconds from Eden Hazard put Fabio in his place.

Match of A Sentence: Algeria 4 South Korea 2
The longest standing whipping boys in World Cup history have their overdue revenge at the cost of South Korea, who are patronized out of the competition despite being fairly pleasing on the eye and technically still can qualify (they won't).

Match of A Sentence: Portugal 2 USA 2
The slippery greasers of Portugal flirt with World Cup death, after the Lizard king, Nani, gives them the lead, only for the hard working USA (led by a man who looks like a battered lesbian, Go Clint Dempsy!) to come back to take the lead and make it 2-1, subsquently waking up the uninterested Ronaldo,who stops dancing with the ball, like he is Michael Jackson reborn as a footballer, and crosses for the equalizer deep into injury time, in short, thought not possible, the game was awesome! (well aware that is not a sentence, it was too good to be comprehensible!).

Don't Give Up The Royal Family...Kevin DeBruyen is Prince Harry

I am not a big fan of the Royal Family! Raised a republican, I would rather the entire Royal Family were all  beheaded, so we do not have to waste our taxes on them. Maybe group decapitation is too strong a cut! But when people bang on about the poor sponging off the state and yet celebrate a royal baby's birth, their hypocrisy brings bile to the back of my throat.So when I realized that Prince Harry had abdicated his royal responsibilities, taken up Belgium citizenship, decided to become a professional footballer and changed his name to Kevin DeBruyen, I was glad. Well done Harry for making something of himself; a tidy footballer, with a surprisingly good work rate and subtle touch you don't associate with the aristocracy; his performance against Algeria was exemplary. It's just a shame he could not play for the country of his family heritage: Germany. 

Man Crush of The Day: Sofiane Feghouli
The Algerian midfielder has a sensational touch, rarely dibbling or passing on the floor he seems to juggle between chips and flicks, passing often to himself, (forever the egotist). Very few men are as good with their feet a Feghouli but his flattering ball control lacks the stats. Only one assist and no goals despite Algeria scoring five in two games. All arrogant but no modest product, means my crush might be style over substance, but what style! He can flatter me to all manner of deception. The question must be asked, "Have I fallen for the fantastic Feghouli or a footballing fugazi."

World up Predictor
As the World Cup's longest nights are now over, I want to reward the teams that get the least daylight to practice the game. Clearly this would have been an advantage back in the dark ages but not in the modern, floodlight era, but I am running out of random ways to predict matches.

Brazil VS Cameroon 
Cameroon who are too close to the equator to compete with Brazil's nightlife.
Brazil 3 Cameroon 0

Mexico VS Croatia
Mexico is one of the sunniest places in the world so I am sure they don't even want to compete  with the dark winters of Croatia.
Croatia 2 Mexico 1

Netherlands VS Chile 
Netherlands make the most out of their limited sunshine in comparison to a spoilt Chile. 
Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Spain  VS Australia 
One of the sunniest countries in Europe has far longer nights than one of the sunniest countries in the  Southern Hemisphere. Another reason to hate Australians.
Spain 3 Australia 2

Sorry for my lack of stats but the internet is playing up in my flat, and I must get the final day's sunshine before the football eclipses the sun, to shorten my day into a night of goals, goals, goals.